From the "Why, God? Why?" Department

American Idol trading cards. Sheesh.

Bad News for Jennifer H

Jen, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your boyfriend, Joaquin, has turned into a mountain man/rapper. I'm not kidding! I couldn't make this up!

Charlie Heston died

Gun lover, Moses portrayer, and ape hater. These were all roles Heston took on in life and on screen.

Now he's got a permanent seat at the big gun show in the sky. Rest in peace, man.

I know I promised to never post about Tom Cruise again but...

...he just keeps giving material! Check out this vid of him "singing" at his Xenu-sponsored birthday party. Wow.

A little something for Booklahver

The cat lady returns!

Yes, Seriously.

Tom Cruise is a nutjob.

The Lame Report*

I was wrong on all three counts this week in my guesses of who would "win" the following shows:

• Tila Tequila picked boring Bobby over charming Danni.
• New York chose little bitch Tailor Made over man-hunk Buddha.
• Ben Stein and Mary Alice Stephenson chose VJ over Andre.

*Yes, I like to watch stupid television shows. What's important is that I recognize they are stupid.

Soviet! Douche!

Still as cranky and as narcissistic as ever, Andre from America's Most Smartest Model, is upset with VH1 for not standing up for him regarding an incident where he allegedly molested 2 women.

He says, "I'm hot now."

Did anyone else just have a Mugatu moment?

Oprah: Please shut up

Just what is a shiny moment and how exactly does one create one?

Colbert to run...for realz

Apparently Steven Colbert really is going to run for POTUS. He's apparently not running as a Republican b/c it costs $35,000.00* (?!) to get on the ballot in South Carolina. To run as a Democrat, one only needs $2,500.00 or 3,000 signatures.

Wow, no wonder we get presidents who have no clue about regular people...if you have to pay $35 grand just to get on a ballot, what hope do normal folks have? Not that normal folks are Republican...but you know what I mean.

*I guess this has something to do with it:

(5) When no other filing fee has been set by state or county committee each candidate at the time of filing for the nomination as a candidate for the Republican Party shall place with the appropriate party official a fee, in the form or cash or certified check, equal to two (2) percent of one year's salary for the office being sought. Provided that in the event that the office being sought has no salary, the governing committee shall set a reasonable filing fee. (Rule #11)

CruiseWatch

Used to be a segment on the Soup, as they may or may not have fallen down on the job, Google News picks up where Joel left off: Humorless Cruise to build underground alien bunker to survive attack by Xenu.

If you think I have too much time on my hands, how about this guy.

UPDATE: I'm apparently a week behind on this one. Damn you Wait! Wait! and your week long lag time.

Hey, this isn't Blazing Saddles.....

....is not what Tom Cruise said on the set of his new movie, "bliz blaz in Germany," but it would have been if he had a sense of humor. He had

"asked that everyone working on the film observe one minute of silence in honor of the heroes of war they were about to portray. When, during the minute, someone passed gas, Cruise stormed off the set in a rage..."

But it gets better and even a bit ironic...at MollyGood

Seriously though I don't think I've actually managed an escaped laugh at work before this. Usually I can keep it internal.

Church of Mel

Mel Gibson, that is. He's decided to dump a huge chunk o' money into his church* out in Malibu. Oh, and "Female followers of Gibson's church must abide by a strict dress code, requiring them to wear veils over their hair and long skirts, with a ban on pants for women."

Guess he doesn't want anyone's "sugar tits" hanging out during services.

*Jesus Complex, anyone...?

Man Pants?

Yes, Amy Winehouse is ridiculously skinny; however, I think she's gotten so skinny that now she looks like she's sportin' a "package" if ya know what I mean...

A telly clip

Watch Michael Moore ask Wolf Blitzer to apologize for not reporting real news, but instead presenting infotainment as "news". Yes, Moore is a very in-your-face propagandist, but he does have a point. Mainstream media doesn't work for democracy anymore. It works solely to promote the ends of the corporations that support and/or own various media outlets.

Is your Asshole Green?

If so, you gotta call him or her on it.

I admit to watching some of the "Live Earth" concert on Saturday. Of course, I watched it on my electricity-guzzling television while sitting under a lamp that did not sport a compact fluorescent bulb. (Gasp!)

Did I feel guilty? Not enough to buy a $25 pencil set.

Ironic? Maybe just a little. (Um, NBC, the network that broadcast the concerts is owned by GE, a not-so-environmentally friendly company.)

I always have to laugh when I see celebrities, especially musicians, telling me to "go green" or "save the planet" or whatever while they sip their $300.00 martinis in the comfort of their million-dollar homes. Politicians are worse. Fuck you, Al Gore. I know people love you and your movie. Recycling is great. Driving a hybrid is great. Your hypocrisy? Not so great. I don't have anything against Gore personally, but the man owns tons of stock in oil and he likes to leave the lights on. All the lights.

Anyhoo, I'm really ranting because now that "green" is hip, it's become a consumerist nightmare. Really, are people so dumb that they need designer grocery bags? Wait, don't answer that.

Being green is actually pretty simple. Recycle what you can, don't buy products with a lot of packaging, don't drive when you can walk, don't leave the lights/tv/radio/computer on when you're not using them. Don't take 30 minute showers. Use a push lawnmower, not a gas or electric-powered one. Buy used furniture. Etc... See? No mass amounts of money required. No souls sold.

Now if only the Administration would do their part... I'm not holding my breath.

Noooo! It will spawn!

Loudmouth, Nancy Grace, is having a baby. God help us all.

Stupid celebrity quote of the day

Oasis guy, Noel Gallagher:

Speaking of why the record is so close to his heart, Noel revealed: "'Sgt Pepper' is special for me because I was born on the 29 May, and it came out on the 1 June. So when I was being born in St Mary's Hospital, Manchester, it was being played on hospital radio."

Ummmm, it took 3 days for you to come into the world? Your mother must be a friggin' saint!

I have a sad life.

PH is headed back to the slammer. I just can't stop, can I?

Must. Stop. Eating. The. Spoonfeedings. Of. The. Paris. Media. Circus.

Vacation? Not for me, anyway.

Paris got out of jail after a mere 3 days. She'll serve out the remainder of her sentence under house arrest. Darn...stuck in a huge mansion for 40 days. And here I thought the jail sentence was going to be a real break from seeing her in the media. What was I on? Apparently rich white people really do get all the breaks!