Toss n' Turn
I had troubled sleep last night. I kept having nightmares of dead people standing in water, reaching their hands out to me, mouths gaping and eye sockets empty. Yeah, I probably shouldn't watch such emotional stuff before bedtime.
This morning my head was swimming with realizations, cynicism, and questions. As I've grown older, I've become more cynical each year. The American Dream really isn't. Democracy is a wonderful concept, but I know now its limitations, its abuses at the hands of those in power. I still believe in the innate goodness of humanity, but the dark side of the human condition has gotten more and more tangible as of late. It almost has a metallic taste, an essence that sits on my tongue and taints my senses causing my brain to rest heavy in my skull.
In the past few weeks there have been many reminders of how small I am, how limited I am. These humbling realizations open up new perspectives--not like flower petals, more like corn husks on tamales--realizations that peel back, that require you to get messy, that came about by acts of human hands.
Many have said that 9/11 is the defining moment of our generation. I say Katrina is. Katrina's wrath, the Corps' failed levees, and the half-promises of government have resulted in a Southern diaspora, a broken city, and new wound upon the heart of America. Instead of the Mississippi Gulf Coast and City of New Orleans I and countless others remember, there is in their place gentrification, mountains of garbage, casinos, despair.
I am no closer to a solution this morning than I was at 10:30 last night. I am glad to see the light of another day; however, there is still a shadow over the land, a shadow over my heart. My love affair with my youth and its naivete is slowly ending. And as we all know, breaking up is hard to do.
3 comments:
It may not seem like much now, but by simply remembering what you have seen and heard about the aftermath of Katrina can, in time, become our collective source of power.
In the years to come when the government begins to renegg (sic?) on their financial committments to the area, make sure Doggett knows that you do not approve. Perhaps by then we will no longer have dead weight representing us in the senate and you can write them too.
As the tide begins to turn nationally, I believe that it can only get better.
I keep telling myself that, too (that things can only get better) but lately it seems as if things are only going the other way: down, down, down and further still. I still have hope for us and for our country; it's just really difficult to see in the dark.
Tiny, here's what we're gonna do. We're going to update your voter registration, and continue to make our voices heard on the venues available to us--blogging, volunteering, contacting our lawmakers, etc. During the 40hrs/week we are being official, you will do your job as progressive librarian in a progessive university setting; and I will do my job in some progressive nonprofit/community-service setting that is yet to be determined.
And when we're feeling angsty on days like this, we will come home and forget our troubles (at least for a little while) with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!
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