Dispatch from the homefront
Hello Gentle Readers! This morning I'm posting from the comfort of my own home. I'm even wearing pajamas. It still hasn't really hit me that I don't have to go back to El Officina again. At least I didn't have to hug RTG or Capn. Whew!
Now that I've got a little time on my hands, I have a few TV-related questions I'd like to examine.
- Why is it that every time Disney puts out a new animated flick, some movie critic calls it "an instant classic"? That makes no sense.
- What's with that Disaranno guy? I can't stand him. He's a chode and that stupid woman who sucks on the ice cube deserves him. I can't believe this commercial is still on the air after like 4 years!
- Why would anyone want to "wake up with the King?" The King creeps me out. I haven't eaten at BK in many moons because of this bizarro campaign.
4 comments:
Thank you, tiny robot, for presenting us gentle readers with only the most important of imponderables...
Such questions can be compared to other baffling paradigms of the natural/not-so-natural world...like, why does my cat always throw up on my bed when I'm out of town?
BUT...never fear...they may not be so imponderable after all...because...of course...I hold the key. Let's begin:
1. Disney movies are, by default, "instant classics" because Walt made a deal in 1945 with Juan Valdez...if Walt promised to keep his grubby hands out of the lucrative, underground (at that time) instant coffee market, Juan would see to it that Walt could, at the very least, simulate the world with bottomless "instant classics".
Juan accomplished this through his connections to Hitler and the Illuminati...it's been years in the making and has kept a strong-hold on the critics that doesn't appear to be softening.
2. The Disaranno guy is the exact same guy that made sure that every episode of Sex in the City had a "Cosmopolitan" in it...he's an apostle from the Westboro Baptist Church whose mission is to rebuild every American's "sense of self"...get them to drink, and they will lose the will to be resistant to the Lord and have no question about their gender identity.
3. The BK "King" is really the Next Phase of David Byrne's Psycho Killer revolution. He really meant it when he said he hates people when they're not polite. The big suit didn't work so, the next logical step would be donning a giant, plastic head of a corporate mascot and convincing people to eat grease-dipped pork product for breakfast.
That'll learn 'em.
If you'd like to see the flow chart for how I came to my unquestionably right conclusions, call my people next time you're in-town.
P.S...can you tell I, too, have a little extra time since my job ended last week?
1. Was it the bad guy from "Rescue Rangers" that once said, "I didn't think it possible, I hate them even more now?" I know for a fact that marketing and advertising is not inherently ignorant, so it must be on a conscious level that Disney continually works to make our children dumber by the generation. Your search just shows how pervasive their marketing machine is.
2.If you hang on long enough, you get to watch the woman's friends make fun of her. Its my sister's favorite part.
3.I have no beef with the King (neither does he).
I love the creepy BK ad campaign precisely because it is so creepy. I watch them and think, "What ad exec in his right mind would produce something so creepy?"
I keep waiting for the King to square off against that Big Unwholesome-lookin' Buckin' Chicken. I don't think that chicken's fake. I think that thing's where fast food nuggets really come from.
King vs. Big Buckin' Chicken. Sure, I'd watch that.
Post a Comment